Out With McDaniels in with…

@NdamukongSuhFan postulates about the future of the new head coaching vacancy in Las Vegas.

To no one’s surprise, Josh McDaniels is out in Las Vegas along with their GM and Offensive coordinator. First off, I would like to congratulate Raiders fans, this is long overdue and I know you’re ready to move on from a brutal reign of terror in Sin City. To get you guys psyched about your next head coach (which surely won’t end in disaster), I’ve done you the favor of scouting out some potential candidates to keep your eyes on.

1: Dan Lanning- HC, University of Oregon

Pros: Good coach, Exciting

Cons: Lost me money

Dan Lanning has coached the Ducks back to absolute powerhouse status and put them on the short list of teams ready to join the college football playoff given any large shake-ups. Other than his absolutely egregious 4th down call in the Washington game this year that lost me serious coin, you have no choice but to respect what he has done in Eugene. His mastery of the offensive side of the ball, and his ability to coach a quarterback older than him, in Bo Nix, will translate well in Vegas.

2: Alan Garner (From the Hangover Trilogy)

Pros: Analytic Genius, Familiar With the Area

Cons: Character issues

The second most logical choice for the frontman of the Las Vegas Raiders would be Alan from “The Hangover” movies. Alan’s uncanny ability to beat the casino shows his true genius and his unpredictability would be a nightmare for opposing coaches and fellow groomsmen alike. The one downside to this would be his blatant disregard to detail as he famously lost his friend, Doug, then accidentally roofied himself and his friends in Thailand some time later.

3: Jim Harbaugh-HC University of Michigan

Pros: NFL Experience, No-Nonsense Guy

Cons: Rampant Cheater

The next man for the job would be ole Jimmy H. Harbaugh saw great success during his tenure with the 49ers, even leading them to a Super Bowl appearance against his brother, John. Since, Harbaugh has been the lovable loser little brother to Ohio State in the Big Ten East and is regularly showing the average national viewer that the Big Ten is roughly 15 years away from truly competing for national titles. If you brush over the three or so major cheating scandals he’s been directly or peripherally involved in during his time in Ann Harbor, he is your guy. Proven NFL success is not readily available, and Raiders’ fans may have to make some concessions on the few morals they do have, to attain it.

4: The Vegas Sphere Thing

Pros: Imposing, Cool as Fuck

Cons: Big Price Tag, Stationary

The Vegas Sphere is something I do not understand whatsoever, but I LOVE. That’s gotta be your line of thinking when talking about your NFL coach. Would I like to sit down and have a beer with Robert Salah? Probably not. But would I want him at the helm of my football team? Also probably not. That’s a bad example I apologize. But you’re not supposed to understand your team’s coach. Just like some oracle up on a mountain somewhere, you don’t really know what they’re saying or doing, but you trust it. The major con here is obviously the cost of this thing. Its gotta be at least a Billi no Eilish to put up and has to cost the city an arm and a leg to keep running 24/7. That and its inability to travel with the team on the road would quickly disqualify this as a candidate.

@NdamukongSuhFan

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